Monday, June 13, 2011

Culture Club: Accidental Sodomy

Frente! had a song called Accidently Kelly Street.

Last night I had an experience I have labelled accidental sodomy.

How does that fit in the Culture Club? Well my friends, it happened at the theatre.

As I’ve already written, I went to the theatre on Saturday night to see Faustus. On the way out of the theatre however, I became an unwitting accomplice in an elderly lady’s sex games.

You see I am a man that enjoys leaving events quickly to avoid the rush at the door. I don’t even wait in the cinemas when watching a Marvel movie to see the post-credits scene…I can wait for the DVD.

Anyway after the curtain calls stopped I was swiftly on my feet and ready to leave; the lady next to me was also on her feet. Damn it I thought, this could be a while. I was getting anxious.

She and her husband gathered their things at a quicker than expected pace and I started to relax a little. They started to move and I followed along behind them. The lady realised she had left something on the ground and stopped. Following her lead, I stopped.

The rest of the story happened in a blur.

The lady began to bend over, but due to the crowd in the aisle behind me…I couldn’t move back. Before I could do anything, her bum was resting against my crotch and I was unintentionally sodomising her.

I went home that night feeling dirty and ashamed…and that my friends, is when I lost my accidental sodomy virginity.

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