I hate Magpies.
I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns…and because of them; I also have a fear of birds.
Let me set the scene, the year was 1992; Salt-n-Pepa were busy talking about sex, Boyz II Men had come to the end of a road, Silence of The Lambs had won five Oscars, Girlfriend wanted us to take something from them and I had a fateful encounter with a magpie which has tarnished my opinion of all birds ever since.
I was walking along the river to the library with my mum when I saw a sprinkler under a tree. Being five, this was an awesome sight and something I couldn’t walk by. I was off running, potentially skipping, through the water. My joy was short lived however, my mother screaming my name cut through the air. Terror was clearly evident. I turned around swiftly, mid-skip, where the bird’s beak connected with the lower lid of my right eye.
There was blood; at five you would say it was a lot of blood. Anyway, there was some running, getting to the library and mum beating off the bird. I don’t really remember what happened after the senseless, unprovoked attack…only that I now feared Magpies, and well, all other birds.
What does that have to do with my RDO?
Well, for Mother’s Day we decided to go on a picnic with mum…obviously, in a park by the Boat Harbour. Sounds pleasant, and it was…until the idiots at a nearby picnic set-up decided to feed some chips to some birds. I would liken hot chips to burley for birds; one smell and they are flying in from all directions. It went downhill after that.
Flocks of pigeons and seagulls kept surrounding our table. This made me anxious. With sunnies on and my hoodie tied around my face for protection, my eyes began darting around like I was having a fit. It was at that point that my mother said, “Are you still scared of birds? I had no idea it was that bad.”
Well mother, I’m saddened to admit that yes, it is THAT bad. For example, when walking to the train station, if a bird is on the footpath in front of me, I cross the road. I have run out in front of a car in one such instance. I have also left a park during my lunch break as two pigeons were getting to cocky and confident for my liking and not flying away on my air-kicks. I sat inside for lunch for the next week. I also had a panic attack when someone thought it was a good idea for me to walk through the bird enclosure at Dreamworld…it didn’t end well.
The picnic finished up after a fifteen minute period of me circling the table trying to scare away birds, deciding I should pay the three year old in the neighbouring picnic to chase them before vowing to train future children, nieces and nephews to scare birds away for my protection. It was awkward.
I know my fear of birds is irrational and sometimes insane, however I freely admit this. In the words of Clarice Starling in the aforementioned Silence of the Lambs (best by way of Roger from American Dad’s Roy Rogers McFreely episode…watch it now)…
“You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.”
Face your fears. Well, maybe not face them; admit them but…I’m cool with that.
Oh, and happy mother’s day Mum. Thanks for saving me from the magpie that started my woes.
PS. I’m not crazy for using the Silence of the Lambs quote…watch the American Dad episode. It’s hilarious.
No comments:
Post a Comment