Customer Service Complaints: I’ll Give You Something to Do

The brand I work for has some pretty god-awful adjacencies. To my left is underwear, diagonally opposite is swimwear and in front of me is the abyss of unloved and unstaffed clothing mediocrity.

In any given day I can be asked what size Speedo someone would fit (I don’t know, nor care), where the male g-strings are (they dry quickly when travelling…allegedly) and whether there is another size of a five-year-old t-shirt that has been sitting in a pit of neglect. This annoys me, but not as much as the six little words some arrogant customers like to say on approach, thinking they are charming...

I’ll give you something to do.

Let me take you back to Monday of this week, I was quietly standing at my counter folding jumpers; it’s what I like to do on a quiet day. A man approached, he stopped just before reaching the counter and said,

“I’ll give you something to do.”

Let this be a warning, don’t ever say this to a sales person.

Many things flew through my head at this moment; I dove across the counter and repeatedly hit him in the face, I flipped him the bird, I laughed and walked away. Sadly none of those options came to fruition, all I could do without risking my job was respond with,

“Oh, and what is that?”

“I want to buy this underwear.”

I wanted to stop him at this point and say that the brand I am employed by do not stock underwear, meaning it was not something for me to do as it doesn’t relate to the product I am paid to look after…like the pile of jumpers I was tidying.

I wanted to explain to him that department stores run by leasing space to brands that staff their own areas. These brands are simply concessions in the store. The staff from these brands are paid 100 percent by their brands to sell their product…nobody else’s.

I wanted to explain to him that while I am happy to process his dodgy underwear as it is quiet, I have something to do and that is my job, selling the product of the brand I work for and making it look it’s best.

I wanted to finish by saying that if he ever offered to give me something to do again I would punch him.

Instead I simply responded by saying, “cool.”

Maybe it is just a pet hate of mine? I don’t know. The implication made by someone in a business suit at 9:45 AM, who is clearly avoiding work, that I am not doing my job just pisses me off. That rule applies to both when I’m folding my product, and when I’m talking to a staff member in the neighbouring brand.

I’ll give you something to do, get out of my store.

Have a nice day you self-important wanker.