Customer Service Complaints: Size Matters

Working in retail, there are a lot of things that people expect of you.

Any day of the week I can be expected to be a mind-reader, open to bartering, willing to alter garments on the spot at no cost, have the store trade 24-hours a day, find the exact garment a customer is looking for despite it being something we do not stock, and my personal favourite, I’m expected to know what size a person is by simply looking at them.

I have a counter to this expectation; why should I know what size someone I have never met is, yet they can be clueless despite living in their body every day? Is it really that difficult to memorise a few numbers and letters? I’ve touched on this before, but I don’t think I addressed the issue adequately considering how much this shits me to tears.

I am sick of having to look down people’s shirts and pants so that I can find out their size after accidentally offending them with my estimation of their size. Why should I bare witness to their bare body because they can’t remember the number on the inside of the pants they put on this morning? I’m not trying to be a jerk by guessing a larger size; it is just estimation is simply not a skill of mine. Why punish me by showing of your body?

This I can handle. The forced witnessing of nudity isn’t something I have to go through often. The most annoying sizing complaint, hands down, is when I’m asked if I have something in “Mens” size. Let me clear this up right now…there is NO such thing as “Mens” size (at least in this day and age). I have tried to investigate the logic behind the belief that M stands for “Mens” rather than “Medium”…I have found none.

I’ll give you an example of how I covertly try to teach the customers…

“Sorry, do you have this in a mens?”

“Oh, everything on this floor is for men, you are in menswear.” You can get away with this response, as most people believe you are stupid as you work in retail.

“Oh no, I meant do…you…have this…in a “Mens”…size?”

“All sizes on this floor are for men.” Reiterating the point, I hope the customer will realise the idiocy of the question.

“NO, I’m looking for a “Mens”, my husband just tried on a Small and it was too tight. I just wanted him to try a “Mens” on.”

“Ohhh…you want a MEDIUM. Yes, I have one right here! The Medium, “M”, was just sitting here between an S for Small and the L for Large.”

At this point I would hope that I have made it clear enough for the customer to understand how it works. Our exchange is practically Sesame Street sponsored.

Let us take some time to use the customer’s logic; maybe there is sense to it. If M is for Mens, L is a “Ladies” rather than large. This would mean that ladies are bigger than men, which in general is false. The theory is flawed.

In a customer’s world a size run goes from Extra Small, Small, Mens, Large, Extra Large and Double Extra Large; if they also go with the L for Ladies theory, all aforementioned Larges would be replaced with the word Ladies. If this makes sense to you, please leave my place of work and go try ordering a Mens or Ladies Big Mac Meal at McDonalds and see if the staff there don’t think you are stupid.

In the words of my friend Liz, I’m a graduate…GET ME OUT OF HERE.