An open letter to…retail

…retail

I have decided that Another Retail Christmas will be closing its doors after this post. There is something quite poignant about wrapping up my retail career and my blog about despising it, at the same time.

It has taken 150 posts (yay…cracked a milestone), and three months...to the day (another milestone!), but I have gotten there.

What’s in a break? Farewell Food #4

The final stop on my farewell tour was also one of my most guilty pleasures.

KFC.

In my opinion, there is no greater joy in life than a hung-over trip to KFC to ‘do the Dew’ as my friend (and graphic designer) Kim and I enjoyed doing on our weekends together.

Being 24: Getting a haircut…from a professional

I was right, being 24 helped me start my career.

Life begins at 24, not 40.

Now that I have gotten my start, I have decided that I need to start doing things a bit more professionally.

Heard on the Selling Floor

Being a flippant sales assistant is fun. Very fun.

Over the course of the last two weeks as I’ve been counting down to my final day, which is now TOMORROW, I have been less and less patient with the jerk customers.

In the last few days, I have even lost my patience with the nice ones.

RDOs Amigos: My final mid-week RDO. It All Ends.

I never thought it would happen, but I think I am actually getting nostalgic for the last decade of which I have, on and off, worked in retail.

It isn’t all because of retail, however.

Today was my final mid-week RDO.

Bargain Bin Bonanza: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust by David Bowie

In the final post in my Bowie appreciation series I thought it appropriate to look at his 1972 opus, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars…which I am just going to call Ziggy Stardust, as it is most commonly referred to anyway, because I am lazy.

Ziggy Stardust tells the story of a human/alien being that is trying to give earth hope after it is announced there is only five years left of existence, as there are no more resources.

To me, it is quite possibly the most intricate, thought out and creative albums ever made. The theatricality of it all is perfect and helps build the narrative of Ziggy, which is awesome.

Spotted on the Selling Floor: Ray Liotta

In my time in retail I have been witness to the shopping exploits of the who’s that of the Australian social and entertainment scenes.

I have also been a witness to a myriad of my career crushes.

The cherry on my star-spotting cake, until today, sadly was Britney Spears.

Shop Boy’s Journey of Culinary Expansion: Cob Dip

Now I understand that the premise behind this column is to expand my culinary horizons.

Cob Dip probably isn’t the most culinary of dishes, however I have not made one before and as such, making one constitutes me expanding on my current culinary skill set.

To aid in warming our new house, I decided that being winter it was appropriate, and necessary, for us to serve up a cob dip and whilst the dip is cold, it truly warms the cockles of your soul.

Heard on the Selling Floor

Another day, another chance for revenge against idiot customers.

In the early stages of the blog, I wrote about my disgust of the one worded question.

Today, I was simply asked a question with a solitary letter. Needless to say, I was filled with rage.

What’s in a break? Farewell Food #3

Today I decided it was time to farewell Torts.

My trip today, however was sadly lacking its heart. I was missing my usual companion Hannah.

You see, Hannah was the one who first introduced me to Torts; she is also the one that hired me for my current position…and is now one of my closest friends.

Heard on the Selling Floor

Since resigning, I have decided to dignify stupid questions with stupid responses.

It makes me smile.

That, and I finally have the opportunity to get revenge on the rude, idiotic customers that I’ve dealt with during my torturous time in retail and I have to take the opportunity while I still can.

What’s in a break? Farewell Food #2

In the second entry in my CBD fast-food farewell, I decided to visit Oporto and Michel’s Patisserie to celebrate my entertainingly, fun-lovingly abusive friendship with Marcela.

She is Colombian, I studied Spanish for three years, and together we swore like troopers and attacked each other’s ethnicity out of love.

I assure you, it was out of love.

Shop Boy’s Journey of Culinary Expansion: Bender’s Beef Burgers

I love burgers.

I mean, I REALLY love burgers.

There is just something fantastic about picking up a burger with your hands and eating it while juices from the meat and the sauce mingle together and drip off to form a glorious pool on your plate for dipping chips into…as you have to have chips with burgers.

Spotted on the Selling Floor: Kay McGrath

It is quite clear that I am a journalism nerd.

I am easily excited, and in turn panicked, by seeing writers, anchors and reporters or columnists on the shop floor.

On Wednesday, however, I managed to serve one…stay conscious AND string together a coherent sentence.

RDOs Amigos: Chasing the Fuel Gauge

I don’t know what it is, but I’m useless at filling up our car.

I mean, on paper it makes sense that I’d forget; we drive the car to do groceries, and drive to visit family on either coast so it gets used about twice a week...that’s about it.

It surprises me however, as I love the smell of petrol and I would assume that there would be an overwhelming message sent from my brain telling me I have to fill up the car if for no other reason that to smell the good old petroleum distillate.

Heard on the Selling Floor

I didn’t realise that I could care any less about retail than I did, but since resigning the flippant side of me has gone a bit feral…and I have to say, that I am absolutely loving it.

A mother / daughter duo came shopping today and were trying to find something for a son / brother…or the girls boyfriend.

I don’t know, nor do I care in the slightest.

What’s in a break? Farewell Food #1

I went for a meeting with my new boss a few days ago at the coffee shop in the bottom of my new building to discuss my position.

It was very exciting and filled me with much joy.

On leaving the meeting, I walked home slowly wearing my sepia-toned sunglasses and listened to Sarah Blasko. My go to nostalgia duo.

Bargain Bin Bonanza: Diamond Dogs by David Bowie

Welcome back to part two in my Bowie appreciation series.

Again…how I didn’t own any of his complete albums puzzles me, but I am proud to say I have rectified that grave mistake.

This week, we take a look at Bowie’s 1974 album, and glam rock farewell, Diamond Dogs.

An open letter to...my readers

…my readers

To my dearest readers,

It is with the greatest of joy, that I officially announce my retail resignation.

Spotted on the Selling Floor: Anthony Warlow

All too often I see my heroes on the shop floor…and proceed to either embarrass myself or hyperventilate.

For someone who spent four years at uni studying to essentially talk to people, this could be viewed as a bit of an issue.

It is refreshing, and makes me feel like less of a failure, to see that other people get nervous when their heroes grace the shop floor.

Shop Boy's Journey of Culinary Expansion: Crumbed Camembert

As I explained earlier, we had our first set of guests in our new house yesterday and as such we wanted to do something exciting to celebrate.

The question of what food to serve quickly became a hot button issue in the house. We had agreed on a little bit of fat hour, some pizzas for dinner and a white chocolate mousse for dessert; however what was to constitute fat hour was our main issue.

We decided that we couldn’t have anything to heavy or rich, as our dinner and dessert would be kind of heavy, so the obvious choice, clearly, was to crumb some Camembert.

Heard on the Selling Floor

I think some people don’t get out much, so when they do get to mingle with the general public, they are socially awkward.

That, or they are just straight up weird.

Last Friday night a son came shopping with his parents.

Culture Club: Orphans (Queensland Theatre Company)

I once again delved into the upper echelon culture club and attended a closing night performance of the Queensland Theatre Company’s Orphans.

Orphans, the second play in the company’s inaugural Studio Season, once again lived up to the motto of being theatre that would challenge you.

It was a play that I struggled to watch.

RDOs Amigos: Unpacking the last box

Since moving out of home, I have never, ever completely unpacked my belongings into a new place.

I don’t know why it is, but there always seems to be one box that I just can’t see the point of unpacking.

I think it is because I’m a hoarder and can’t bear to throw things away but can’t see the point of using them either so they remain packed awaiting their next home.

Customer Service Complaints: People who take calls while being served

I have an issue with mobile phones.

Well actually I have an issue with talking on phones in general, but that is another story for another time.

I don’t like when people take calls in restaurants, I don’t like when people take calls on public transport and I sure as hell don’t like when people take phone calls while I am serving them.

If I can’t be a journo I…should become a Tambourine Man

Let me explain, I am not talking about the Bob Dylan image of the tambourine man.

Why?

I’m not very good at following orders…or listening to requests (fight the power). Needless to say people following my tambourine and I around, asking us to play a song for them is not very high on my bucket list (I can’t speak for my tambourine at this time).

Store Soundtrack Review: Islands in the Stream

I haven’t been subtle about my love for Dolly Parton.

I enjoy working 9 to 5, always loving people and admiring flowing locks of auburn hair…all thanks to Dolly.

Above all other things Dolly, I love the peace unknown that comes from her doing duets with Kenny Rogers.

Shop Boy's Journey of Culinary Expansion: Footy Inspired Burger Mystery Box

It has become a tradition that each State of Origin game, my partner and I celebrate by having copious amounts of beer and eating different footy food.

Through the course of the series we work through a combination of meat pies, hot dogs, pizza and burgers, however with last night being the decider we thought we needed to up the anti a bit.

But how do you up the anti on footy food?

What's in a break? Torts

Growing up in a small town, away from the Brisbane City I had never seen the shop Torts until it was introduced to me by my friend Hannah about a year ago.

Torts is a take-away food chain that freshly makes tortilla wraps and nachos while you watch and wait. It is delicious food…and there is a something exciting about watching your food be cooked right in front of you.

They also make chips. I am greatly saddened by the fact that there were 23 years where Torts’ chips were not in my life. Very saddened.

Bargain Bin Bonanza: Aladdin Sane by David Bowie

After the wedding I went to a couple of weeks ago, which was home to the greatest soundtrack of all time, I came to the horrific (and embarrassing) realisation that I didn’t own any Bowie albums.

To rectify this travesty, I went into JB on my first break after the wedding and bought three of Bowie’s best. All of which were priced at a cheeky $9.99.

Today is the first of three of my ‘I love Bowie and why the hell didn’t I own any of his albums earlier’ posts, beginning with the 1973 album Aladdin Sane.

Shop Boy Explains…why “what are you doing now” are the five worst words for a graduate to hear

…why “what are you doing now” are the five worst words for a graduate to hear

“So…what are you doing now?”

Is there any worse of a sentence?

Customer Service Complaints: Loitering Customers

I have never made it a secret that customers often do my head in.

They don’t know what they want, grunt out one word and expect me to know it’s a question and a lot of the times are simply just rude.

Nothing annoys me more, however, than idiots who come into the store and instead of shopping, just loiter in your section having a mothers club with their friends.

Shop Boy Explains…why I want to marry my Dyson

…why I want to marry my Dyson

A few weekends ago, when we began moving into our new place, we realised that we would soon be without a vacuum.

This was an unsettling realisation.

RDOs Amigos: Breakfast Beers

There is nothing more devilish, and delightful than a boozy brunch.

This morning I had breakfast with two of my good friends before making a trip down the coast to hang with my nephew.

He is still the cutest baby in the world…who today I learnt has a healthily functioning bowel, which, as strange as it sounds, makes me extremely proud of him. Let’s be honest but, he could do anything and I would still believe it to be the cutest thing in the world.

Shop Boy Explains…why I gotta cut loose

…why I gotta cut loose

Footloose.

Yes my friends, I am about to kick off my Sunday shoes.

Spotted on the Selling Floor: Zoe Foster

Working in an inner-city department store we are lucky enough to be home to launches and special events.

Today the selling floor was abuzz with one such an event.

Let me take you back. Picture it, lunchtime, today. One of my co-workers approached me after coming back from the level below us and mentioned a hive of activity on the ground floor and, knowing I talk to a lot of people, he thought I would know what was going on.