RDOs Amigos: My final mid-week RDO. It All Ends.

I never thought it would happen, but I think I am actually getting nostalgic for the last decade of which I have, on and off, worked in retail.

It isn’t all because of retail, however.

Today was my final mid-week RDO.

RDOs Amigos: Chasing the Fuel Gauge

I don’t know what it is, but I’m useless at filling up our car.

I mean, on paper it makes sense that I’d forget; we drive the car to do groceries, and drive to visit family on either coast so it gets used about twice a week...that’s about it.

It surprises me however, as I love the smell of petrol and I would assume that there would be an overwhelming message sent from my brain telling me I have to fill up the car if for no other reason that to smell the good old petroleum distillate.

RDOs Amigos: Unpacking the last box

Since moving out of home, I have never, ever completely unpacked my belongings into a new place.

I don’t know why it is, but there always seems to be one box that I just can’t see the point of unpacking.

I think it is because I’m a hoarder and can’t bear to throw things away but can’t see the point of using them either so they remain packed awaiting their next home.

RDOs Amigos: Breakfast Beers

There is nothing more devilish, and delightful than a boozy brunch.

This morning I had breakfast with two of my good friends before making a trip down the coast to hang with my nephew.

He is still the cutest baby in the world…who today I learnt has a healthily functioning bowel, which, as strange as it sounds, makes me extremely proud of him. Let’s be honest but, he could do anything and I would still believe it to be the cutest thing in the world.

RDOs Amigos: Wishing I Was There

Good evening.

It has recently come to my attention that like Natalie Imbruglia before me, I am accident-prone.

You must understand I’m accident-prone.

RDOs Amigos: Weddings

I love weddings.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that there are copious amounts of liquor, an abundance of desserts or the fact that two people are declaring their love for each other, but I just can’t get enough of them.

In the last two years I have happily attended five weddings, have MC-ed two and am now excitedly awaiting my partner’s brother’s wedding and my sister’s wedding later in the year.

RDOs Amigos: Moving

I argued about two weeks ago that house hunting was more stressful than moving.

I am wrong and I am an idiot.

I mean, who goes on the record to say that moving isn’t the most horrible experience of your life?

RDOs Amigos: Hanging with my nephew

Mark it down; my last two RDOs are the best I have ever had.

Why?

I was lucky enough to meet my beautiful new nephew…and it was amazing.

RDOs Amigos: House Hunting

Everybody says that moving house is the most stressful time in your life. I would argue that house hunting is the most stressful part of the process.

We are currently in the midst of preparing to move house and spend most of our time trolling the internet for potential homes, thus the slower than usual publication rate this week.

As I am still awaiting the arrival of my niece or nephew, my partner and I decided it best to use our RDO to inspect places so that I’d be able to use all my RDOs for the foreseeable future to fulfil Uncle duties.

RDOs Amigos: Licence to kill...birds

I’m going to warn you, today’s post may insight some rage amongst the animal loving or members of the RSPCA, however let me assure you…no animals were harmed in the making of this post.

But it was not because I didn’t want to…I was fearful of revenge.

I touched on my bird phobia three weeks ago when I was taken on a mother’s day picnic; well I took my mother on the picnic but due to the large bird population in the area I am not willing to claim ownership of the decision. Anyway, today I had another encounter with the animala aves aka my nemesis.

RDOs Amigos: The Rapture That Never Was

I’m going to be honest…I wasn’t prepared for today’s post. My theory was, if that crazy guy is right I wouldn’t want to regret planning something instead of having one final trip to IKEA/a crackshake.

I went with a breakfast crackshake to start my potentially final day. It was rapturous.

Anyway…back to the rapture. We have been bombarded with images and news stories of people proclaiming the latest doomsday prediction for the last week or so and I have to say, they made me sad. Not because I was convinced it was happening (I’m running with 2012 for my doomsday beliefs), but because these people were.

RDOs Amigos: IKEA

When Belinda Carlisle sung about heaven being on earth, there is only one place that she could have possibly been talking about.

IKEA.

It is a land of joy, hope and wonder; and today I was lucky enough to make another visit. It is a place that I have ventured to at least four times a year since moving out of home and every visit, I can’t help but buy something new. Like coffee Thickshakes, IKEA is addictive.

RDOs Amigos: Coffee Thickshakes: A Tale of Addiction

I have an addiction.

I think about them all the time, I’ve dreamt about them, I make excuses to get out of doing things to have them.

The 'them' of this story is Campos’ Coffee Thickshake.

I used to be addicted to cola, had a brief liaison with coffee and a four year epic with The OC. None of those dalliances can compare to the power this Coffee Thickshake has over me.

Served in a beautifully crafted metal cup, the strong, robust, sweet flavour washes over you as soon as the straw, which is freestanding in the drink, hits your lips. It is like God and Ronald McDonald had a beverage baby, and hot damn, it is all that is right with the world.

I was first introduced to this perfection whilst having breakfast with my cousin; she told me how she was out to brunch with a friend who ordered one. Rightfully so, she got drink envy, and returned to Campos the next day. She was a convert, and thankfully my teacher. After hearing this story we decided that going to Campos that weekend was the only solution.

When the day came I was anxious; it was like a first date. What if I don’t feel the spark? What if I don’t order an appropriate meal to accompany it? Upon it’s arrival at our table, I realised there was nothing to worry about. I had found the one.

The way the condensation beaded on the outside of the glass, the thick milky coffee slid down the side of the too full cup…it was a sight I will never forget. With hesitation, I took my first sip; I was overcome with sensory overload. I had never tasted something that tasted that beautiful…and I knew I had to have it again.

The weeks went buy and the notches on my shake cup increased to the point I was making the trip to Campos four times a week, sometimes in secret.

This was when I realised I had a problem.

Generally when people come to this realisation they find a way to overcome the problem. I’m not the rational type; instead decided I had to spread the word of the shake to anyone that would listen. Upon reflection I think I’ve started a small-scale cult…oh well.

How does this relate to today’s RDO? Well today I initiated my eighth convert. Despite the cold Queensland temperatures at 8:30 this morning (it was probably 22 degrees or something), the latest thickshake drinker received the drink glowingly and will pay this act of beverage kindness forward.

As I finish up today’s post, I would like to leave you with some advice. If you are near a Campos, go; go directly to Campos and order one. If they are closed, camp our and wait. If you are not near one, fly to your closest and get one. You have to get them into your life.

They are perfect; they are like a crackshake.

RDOs Amigos: Fear and loathing of Cracticus tibicen

I hate Magpies.

I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns…and because of them; I also have a fear of birds.

Let me set the scene, the year was 1992; Salt-n-Pepa were busy talking about sex, Boyz II Men had come to the end of a road, Silence of The Lambs had won five Oscars, Girlfriend wanted us to take something from them and I had a fateful encounter with a magpie which has tarnished my opinion of all birds ever since.

I was walking along the river to the library with my mum when I saw a sprinkler under a tree. Being five, this was an awesome sight and something I couldn’t walk by. I was off running, potentially skipping, through the water. My joy was short lived however, my mother screaming my name cut through the air. Terror was clearly evident. I turned around swiftly, mid-skip, where the bird’s beak connected with the lower lid of my right eye.

There was blood; at five you would say it was a lot of blood. Anyway, there was some running, getting to the library and mum beating off the bird. I don’t really remember what happened after the senseless, unprovoked attack…only that I now feared Magpies, and well, all other birds.

What does that have to do with my RDO?

Well, for Mother’s Day we decided to go on a picnic with mum…obviously, in a park by the Boat Harbour. Sounds pleasant, and it was…until the idiots at a nearby picnic set-up decided to feed some chips to some birds. I would liken hot chips to burley for birds; one smell and they are flying in from all directions. It went downhill after that.

Flocks of pigeons and seagulls kept surrounding our table. This made me anxious. With sunnies on and my hoodie tied around my face for protection, my eyes began darting around like I was having a fit. It was at that point that my mother said, “Are you still scared of birds? I had no idea it was that bad.”

Well mother, I’m saddened to admit that yes, it is THAT bad. For example, when walking to the train station, if a bird is on the footpath in front of me, I cross the road. I have run out in front of a car in one such instance. I have also left a park during my lunch break as two pigeons were getting to cocky and confident for my liking and not flying away on my air-kicks. I sat inside for lunch for the next week. I also had a panic attack when someone thought it was a good idea for me to walk through the bird enclosure at Dreamworld…it didn’t end well.

The picnic finished up after a fifteen minute period of me circling the table trying to scare away birds, deciding I should pay the three year old in the neighbouring picnic to chase them before vowing to train future children, nieces and nephews to scare birds away for my protection. It was awkward.

I know my fear of birds is irrational and sometimes insane, however I freely admit this. In the words of Clarice Starling in the aforementioned Silence of the Lambs (best by way of Roger from American Dad’s Roy Rogers McFreely episode…watch it now)…

“You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.”

Face your fears. Well, maybe not face them; admit them but…I’m cool with that.

Oh, and happy mother’s day Mum. Thanks for saving me from the magpie that started my woes.

PS. I’m not crazy for using the Silence of the Lambs quote…watch the American Dad episode. It’s hilarious.

PPS. I think I should remind you that Achy Breaky Heart was the highest selling single of 1992 (amazing)…I had an achy breaky eye.

RDOs Amigos: Osama bin Laden’s Death

I apologise for publishing two RDOs in as many days, however the news of today’s RDO, while being editorially left-of-centre for the blog, is too big for the journalist within me to go past.

Today it broke that Osama bin Laden was killed during a gunfight with US forces in the Pakistani city of Abbottabad.

Whilst I’m far from being an expert on foreign affairs and politics, the death of Osama bin Laden is something that I believe will shape the political landscape of the US, and the world, for years to come.

I have sat glued to the television since the story broke and have to admit the overwhelming feeling I have, is that of anxiety. What are the ramifications, if any, this will have on the world and how we live within it?

During the afternoon there have been over 30,000 tweets per minute relating to Bin Laden’s death and reading through them I was left feeling uneasy. Whilst I understand the joy and happiness some people may be feeling to have the person behind the death of their loved ones come to justice, I feel uncomfortable celebrating any death, no matter who they were.

This is a huge moment is world history and hopefully the world community can grow together from this moment rather than further fracture. A little utopian I know, but I am currently a retail employee; I like everything to be happy, nice and organised...I can’t help it!

I will go back to reporting on my retail-rage tomorrow, I promise.

RDOs Amigos: The Women’s Weekly Children’s Birthday Cake Book

I enjoy baking, probably a little too much for a man, but I can’t help it. There is something so soothing knowing that putting the ingredients in a bowl, mixing and baking for the appropriate time will always result in a perfect cake.

I also enjoy, again probably more than any man should, The Australian Women’s Weekly…and their cookbooks.

Today my partner and I went to buy the papers and get some groceries when we saw it...The Women's Weekly Children’s Birthday Cake Book sitting in the newsagent. Despite having looked every time I’ve gone into a newsagency, the book had so far eluded me. Needless to say, we bought it.

This is probably a good time to mention that, no, we don’t have children…but that is not the point. We felt drawn to this book for nostalgia’s sake. My partner had the clock cake, I had the train…and I think the number one cake (if I didn’t one of my sibling’s had one). I now plan on making all cakes for my future nieces, nephews and children until I have covered the whole book and spread the joy I had at three when I had my Thomas inspired cake!

This book has been a seminal part of the joy associated with my childhood, and more importantly my early birthdays and on this RDO I was finally able to buy this book to reminisce on the joy it gave me. To Helen McCabe, Pamela Clark and all the team at The Weekly…especially Liz Burke, thank you. Thank you so much. You have made my RDO be filled with hope and wonder.

Despite the next birthday in my family being for my brother and sister’s 28^th, I plan on celebrating it with nostalgia and The Weekly. I have a shortlist for what cake I will make…and I think my brother could guess which ones I have narrowed down for him. My sister doesn’t get one as I’m making her wedding cake instead, I’m not being a jerk...plus she lives in New York so I doubt it would travel well…honestly not a jerk.

RDOs Amigos: Car Flippin' (or Shovin')

I wasn’t planning on publishing another RDOs Amigos entry today but with my family being my family, something interesting happened and it would be criminal for me to not share.

This morning we were planning on going out to see my grandfather for Easter. Nothing overtly noteworthy, however, when we reached my parents car in the car park, we discovered that someone had parked perpendicular to theirs. Needless to say, we were not happy. I mean, we had another vehicular option but on principle, we were cranky.

Talk of idiocy, a decay of human decency and calling a tow truck floated around the other car on the trip out to my pop’s house. Nothing, however, was as controversial as the “kind” nature of my father’s note. Mum deeming it too pleasant.

Upon arrival at my pop’s house, my mother waited the statutory three conversation topics (as to not appear rude) before launching into the tale of extreme betrayal played out in the car park. My grandfather, true to form, believed we should have emptied the tyres of air. My mother feeling vindicated, let the issue lie. Surely the car would be gone when we arrived home two hours later?

We were wrong.

At first glance, my Dad’s new note wasn’t as kind, but again, was not tough enough in my mother or my own eyes. However after reflection, the emotional blackmail hued note with lines such as “missing family Easter Functions” and “forced to catch a cab” would probably be more successful.

Let me take you four hours later by which time we had decided that if the car had not moved we would try lift it over so the car could shimmy it’s way out.

My brother arrived around 5:15pm and my Dad, now supportive of the idea, decided that if the car was still there…we try our luck at what is now known in my family as “car flippin’”.

My partner, Dad, brother and I placed ourselves either side of the car with my Mum and my sister-in-law making up the cheer squad. With knees bended, we heaved. Shit. Nothing.

“Too much suspension!”

“I’ll get a hernia!”

“I’m irritated, but not enough for back pain.”

My father, however, encouraged us.

Bounce is what we were lacking. Looking back I don’t know who’s idea it was, but almost by consensus, we decided to try bouncing and shoving the car across the ground on the third upward bounce. Success!! At this point, the thrill of the flip took over.

One, two, three…lift. Success!

Each trio of bounces went by and the car, slowly but surely, began to clear us a path. My Dad decided the perfect number of bounce / shoves for the emancipation of our car was ten.

By the sixth cycle, my partner was out, my mother in. Blisters appearing at the start of my fingers…I continued on for what I can only explain as family pride.

Cycles seven through ten were our most successful. I’m not sure if it was unknown family synchronicity, my mother’s brute strength or desperation on my brother and my part wanting out of this and back to the comfort of the lounge room for beer (in my case) and TV (in his case), but the car gave way enough for our freedom…and that of our car.

On the walk back to our townhouse we debated whether we did anything wrong. The moral decision of the group was no, it was only freeing up our own car and that no damage was done (we sound like psychopaths justifying a kill). I believe that my mother, although being less diplomatic, summed up the occasion the best…

“They should have thought about it, before they parked us in”.

Strong words from a surprisingly strong woman in a very small package.

And that was my RDO amigos!

RDOs Amigos: For the love of Hot Cross Buns

Hola y bienvenidos a RDOs Amigos!

This little column will deal with everything that happens on a day away from the selling floor and what I get up to. Que divertido, I hear you say! I promise, it won’t be as boring as I just explained it.

So on to today...